Perhaps you were thinking that I disappeared as a result of failure. Failure to conquer Adderall. Fortunately that could not be further from the truth. Let’s take a moment to rewind and review the events that have transpired over the course of the last 3 months.
My last post was written on December 9th, 2016. Funny how that seems like a lifetime ago. Since then I succumbed to my cravings and began a cycle of blazing through a month’s worth of Adderall within 2 weeks. I did this during the months of December to the middle of February. In that time I tried like hell to just stop. And I found it too difficult to do due to the effects that it was having on my ability to work. My work is 99% mental and 1% physical, so you can imagine the impact that this was having on me.
Ultimately, by going through these 2 week binge and purge cycles it somehow made it easier to just say “fuck it” when I decided to schedule an appointment with my doctor and flatout cancel my prescription of Adderall. Fuck you Adderall, I win.
Long story short, I visited my doctor at the end of February, he gave me enough Adderall for 2 weeks so that I could use it to ween myself off of it; 21 tablets versus the 90 that I used to receive for an entire month. I finished taking the 21 tablets that he had given me and I felt a massive sense of relief. It was over. There would be no going back. I don’t feel any more signs of withdrawal, I am sleeping normally again (oh how I missed sleep!), I can feel that I have emotions and a soul again (very important), and I also developed an extreme hatred for Adderall (you can do it, but it’s not for me anymore).
If I can quit it, you can too. It is a mental battle that you must overcome. It is a fucking pill that you put in your mouth. Much like cigarettes. I’m not putting medicine in your mouth or forcing you to light up a smoke. Control yourself, be accountable, face your demons and dismantle your doubt. Saddle up motherfucker because we’re going for a ride and when you get off of this one you’ll look back at all of your Adderall-fueled days and be so glad that those days are only memories that will no longer be repeated.
This website was created as a tool for me to use during my journey through Adderhell. A journal of my experiences while going from being addicted to Adderall to kicking it in the face and in the end being free of its ugly grasp. This site was made as a way for me to hold myself accountable. If this provides you or anyone else with a bit encouragement or inspiration then that is great. You can do it. Do not let a little fucking pill control your life. Fuck that.
“Sometimes we have to watch our whole lives fall apart,
Before we can rebuild them again,
A greater foundation”