Day 13 – I’ve Become a Fuse.

18:41 November 28th, 2o16. I don’t have any rambunctious story exercising to drop on you today. Instead, I didn’t do much so far as physical activity goes but I am trying to give my brain a good workout.

I feel as if I am only getting 40% out of it lately so far as my ability to think and understand complex topics and also when applying myself to problem solving, as int job-related functions. I remember the days when I felt sharp as a fucking razor, witty, confident, and ready to take on, scratch that, take over the world. Now I feel dull, kind of like going from a surgical knife to a butter knife.

But I still have my moments. Those moments that make me remember who I once was. When the fog clears and I achieve mental clarity, even if for only a minute. It is in these moments that I can truly see the effects of Adderall withdrawal on my mind in comparison to how I used to be pre-Adderall.

I am taking a break from the physical exercise today in order to devote more time to mental exercise, which ultimately amounts to applying myself to my work and getting more done. I’m working on finalizing the configuration of an NVR IP camera surveillance system, implementing NTP (Network Time Protocol) best practices on a university’s network infrastructure, and creating work reports to document these tasks for my clients. All the while fighting the fog of AdderHELL. Trying to break through this mental cloud of stupidity.

“Welcome to my world
Headfirst to the earth
With my sights on the goddamned kill switch
I’ve become a fuse
Charged with attitude
Fixed and dilated by my anger”

 

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