Day 7 – One Week Down, Many More to Go.

19:54 November 22nd, 2016. I finally received the large black rubber gym mat in the mail today. I then migrated my treadmill from its old home in the corner of the garage to downstairs inside the house. It was doing nothing more than collecting dust and cobwebs. It will now be put to use.

Yes, the Adderall withdrawals are still hard to get through. I’ve gradually felt better, little by little, with each passing day. But don’t be mistaken, the withdrawal symptoms are still there and are still something that I have to fight my way through every day.

I have noticed that getting into a regular rhythm with my sleep patterns, eating healthy food, drinking a lot of water, and pushing myself to exercise at least every other day are all helping a great deal.

There are times where I feel as if I am breaking through and it is at those times that I am reminded of my old self. Feeling things that I haven’t felt in 2+ years prior to taking Adderall and thinking the way I used to think. Being able to “feel” is the thing that I missed most.

If you’ve gone through this process, or are currently stuck in a battle with Adderall then you’ll know exactly what I mean. Adderall takes the very fabric of what makes you “you” and spits it out, leaving behind nothing more but an empty shell of the man/woman that you once were. Leaving you nearly devoid of feeling, so caught up in the moment of whatever it is you’re focused on, until one day even the focus is taken away, and you’re left wondering what the fuck happened and why Adderall quietly slipped away while you’re the one left holding the bag.

If any of you are wondering, or have even bothered to read this far, I am a Senior IT Systems Engineer (infrastructure architecture, data centers, virtualization, networks/LAN/WAN/WLAN/SAN, and security) by trade. I am highly analytical, structured, and organized. Battling through the withdrawal process of Adderall while maintaining and fulfilling the responsibilities of my day job has not been easy.

But on the other hand, I am one stubborn and determined motherfucker that went from being poor, having nothing, being told I was nothing, to surviving 10 years in Kuwait/Iraq/Afghanistan, completing a B.S. in IT Management, traveling all over the world, and now working a job that allows me to do what I love (world travel, experiening new cultures/people, making music, technology, and guitars).

Yes, I enjoy my job, count me among the few, the fortunate, the [possibly] crazy. I love problem solving and positive pressure to stay on top of the game by the constant need for learning (i.e. professional development, training classes, many training classes every year, and tests, that’s right, the tests did not end in high school or college).

So walk with me in AdderHELL.

“Now witness the end of an age.
Hope dies in hands of believers.
Who seek the truth in the liar’s eye.

Take hold of my hand,
For you are no longer alone.
Walk with me in hell”

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